a blog about an Essex girl living in Swansea, chatting about baking, rowing, other bits and bobs, and some crazy teaching times in India

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

There Goes That Consonant...

"Those three small words
Were way too late
Cause can't you see that I'm the one?" 
- Three Small Words, Josie and the Pussycats

Is anyone else a little bit scared of using the 'L' word?

I throw it around in everyday situations, applying it to whatever takes my fancy. I love that dress, I love this chocolate, I love that guy/girl! I over-exaggerate and get very excited about small things, and apply excessive feelings towards things that probably don't require such fond words. I describe people as 'lovely' and 'beaut' all the time, just because that is my own language now. Much of what comes out of my mouth is complete and utter nonsense, and ridiculously embroidered. 

I like pretty things. Pink things. Bright colours, rainbows, sunshine. My language is the same. Making everything sound perfect is one step closer to it becoming happy and beautiful. I sound like a small child, but I'm not changing for anyone. Sugar coating everything makes the miserable things seem a lot more bearable.

So, the 'L' word. Love. Big love. I have big love for my readers, my friends, my family. A lot of love. I'm giving it away like a freebie here. Roll up, roll up. But isn't there a difference to loving someone and being IN love with them?

It's a right puzzle. It crops up in all our lives at some point, I think. You'll see it on TV shows, in films, read it in your books. How do you know you really love someone? Whether you love them as a friend, that sparkly happy feeling of appreciation and admiration; or whether you're in love with them. What's the boundary? Where is that tipping point which flings you into that terrifying world of true love?

I think I've been in love before. I'm 21 years old, so people may say that's too young. But my kind of real love has only happened maybe twice. However, I'd say it was different for each case. Each scenario changed depending on my age and how my mind worked at that point. I've felt myself get more mature because of both situations - learning from my mistakes. Those people have prepared me for what might be coming. I am a little bit more in control of myself, I think about my actions, and I have this horrible habit of mulling over what I really want to do (if I actually do like someone properly). 

So what is being in love with someone? I think it's hard to define. For me, I'd say it's that tingly feeling you get when you look into that person's eyes. When you think of them you smile to yourself. You appreciate everything they do, and you can forgive almost anything they do. With my last boyfriend, I would have forgiven him for anything, I think. Which is rather creepy if you think about it. Maybe that's excessive love.

I think you find out if you loved someone if you break up with them. If it's a situation which you can move on from quickly, maybe you weren't a victim of Cupid and his little bow and arrow. If you're still having an emotional palava five, six, seven, eight months on, then maybe you were. Thwack, you're hit. It might be time for you to turn up the volume on that Taylor Swift track and do some screaming into your pillow.

All you are is mean... And a liar, and pathetic... la la la

But obviously you don't want to find out this way. 

I just know it's a scary word. It sticks in your throat; you move your lips struggling to get it out whilst it tries crawling back down to the pit of your stomach. 

Should you fight for it, or should you leave it there, down in the depths, buried forever?

Sunshine and Rainbows?

Big smiles, xo

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